Showing posts with label life lessons. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life lessons. Show all posts

Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Forgotten


At least Tracy had toys in the nursery when Mom left my youngest sister at church that time when we were little.


Today my husband forgot we were carpooling and left me at work.  Soon after 5 when I went looking for him it didn’t take me long to realize he simply forgot me.  The only other co-workers who live even remotely close to us whom I could ask for a ride home were either gone or had dinner plans close to the office.  Sighing, I called my husband’s cell phone.


When he answered I asked where he was.  “Uhm, I’m coming back from getting my tire checked,” he said.  “Are you close to the office?” I asked.  He hesitated.  “I’ll call you when I’m close,” he replied and hung up as I was asking where exactly he was.  I knew immediately he had forgotten me and wasn’t about to admit it.


Replacing the handset I sat at my desk for a few moments as I considered my options.  We had been in all day meetings and corporate dinners for two days and I had plenty of work to do.  But I didn’t want to start on any of it if he was just a few minutes away.  If he wasn’t I was only going to get more frustrated by the minute not knowing how long I would have to wait.


Lemonade out of lemons, I decided, foraging in my wardrobe for a pair of walking shoes.  Yes!  Rummaging in my bag for a hair clip I scored again.  Heels off, hair up, I grabbed my purse and set out to put my wait to good use by taking my walk.  Outside the weather was nice and as I moved along the parking lot I began to feel pretty good about how I was handling this little change in plans. 


I had logged 25 minutes when my phone rang.  “I’m here,” he said.  “I’m walking, be right there,” I said, pressing the End button as he began to ask where I was.  I had waited half an hour, he could sit for the additional two minutes it would take me to get back to the office.


As I got into his truck I mentally prepared my gracious acceptance of his apology.  I was sure he felt bad enough about leaving me and keeping me waiting, there was no reason to be unkind.  I climbed into the passenger seat and waited.


“At least you got your walk in,” he said.  Then we drove off.  


No apology.  No “gee, I’m sorry about all this.”  No need for my acceptance speech.  I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised.  He is a great guy, but the words “I’m sorry” don’t come easily to him.  As we made our way through traffic he tried to start up work conversation a few times, but I just couldn’t get interested in talking to him.  Finally he turned on the radio.  As always when I need a way to process my emotions,  a blog was quickly coming to me and I started tapping on the screen of my smart phone.


By the time we pulled into our driveway I was almost finished writing.  He got out of the truck wordlessly, pulled the trash cans into the garage, and entered the house.  All the clichés came to mind – “All’s well that ends well”, “It’s no big deal”, “a hundred years from now you won’t even remember it”.   And at least I didn’t have to bring in the trash cans, only the mail and our meeting luggage from the truck.  I recalled my devotional from just this morning.  Galatians, 5, Fruit of the Spirit.  Just another opportunity to practice love, joy, peace, patience, and longsuffering.


Yes, there was a little fruit of the spirit in me, but mainly I was glad to have my blog.  It served me well 4 years ago when it was born out of the Duke Disaster, and it serves me well now,  funneling my feelings and saving me ammunition.

Sunday, January 4, 2015

An Unexpected Gift



I have been given the greatest gift – the gift of Time.  Oh how I always crave more ‘free’ time, although as a believer in Christ all of my time is actually His to redeem as He sees fit.  But time that isn’t allocated to work, or as in the case with this gift, prison ministry, is a precious thing.  How to use it?

I’ll work on my book and web site preparations, of course.  And have time to sit, pray, read devotions and scripture, and just be.  Which is what I like to do on January 1 each year anyway, reflecting on my many blessings and writing goals for the coming year that stretches out before me like an unused roll of fresh drawing paper waiting for a story in pictures.  So many things to choose from:  house projects, picture projects, writing letters, culling things to give away or sell on craigslist, updating my prayer list, putting the house back in order after the wonderful week of having kids and grands here.  Plus I’m always in danger of ADD moments – oh look, there’s a cabinet I need to reorganize, or a closet to clean out, or I’ve always wanted to move that couch to the other side of the room which means rearranging everything and before you know it a day has passed.  Maybe I’ll even get out of my pajamas and get dressed.

So I pause before letting my mind get on the thought racetrack speeding towards overwhelmed.  Looking around the grandkids room I marvel at Emily’s version of cleaning up.  She did a great job, and I enjoy looking at how she arranged the books, stuffed animals, puzzles, toys, and arts and crafts, different than I would but not so different after all.  The toy Tonka digger that usually sits by  Mike and the Steam Shovel is now parked in front of the wooden blocks next to the golden books.  Which have been read and much loved this visit, I’m happy to say.  The Peter Rabbit family shelf is playing host to Noah’s Ark and all the animals stored inside.  The Winnie the Pooh section is relatively undisturbed, except that Eyeore looks anxiously at Piglet’s foot which is stuck in his ear.  Clifford and Company are in their place, as are the Three Bears and their book.  The Bambi and Jungle Book area is definitely in disarray.  Bambi’s head is leaning back into the corner, exhaustion emanating from every fiber of his stuffed body, while Baloo and Lion King look quite happy to be perched atop the Peter Rabbit puzzle case, digger’s tractor tread perched atop Lion King’s head like a black rubber halo.  Stickers adorn everything – books, the floor, toys, and sleeping bags.  Pooh sleeping bag is neatly folded away in the closet, but Caterpillar sleeping bag is languishing on the floor in need of a wash.  

Across the top of the shelves things are almost normal.  Cat in the Hat leans over into Ramona, who has one shoe hanging off as always, their books as backrests.  Minnie and Mickey have been left to their own devices, as has the Very Hungry Caterpillar, while Spot was only recently placed back after being loved on by Liam over Christmas.  Mouse is nowhere near If You Give a Mouse a Cookie but is sitting over in the new toy wooden rocker with Nativity Bear, on the floor next to Raggedy Ann.  My blocks that spell grandchildren’s names no longer say Emily, Molly, Lily, Lola or Liam.  One set says May, another says Mo, and yet another grouping has an I leading an E and Y on their sides – clearly Molly was involved in this.  The musical water globe is still perched next to the box of crayons and stickers, directly beneath Little Red Riding Hood and right in front of Curious George.  Snoopy sits at the far end, one ear looped over his head, looking content.

Which is how I feel.  Content.  I LOVE the evidence that my grandchildren have been here, and am reluctant to make any changes.  So I won’t.  I’ll spend this gift of time as the Spirit moves, some in quiet gratitude, some in creative writing, some in productive cleaning, but all bathed in the knowledge of how filled with love is my life.

Sunday, February 2, 2014

Firing Andrew


It is a holy and sacred thing to stand helplessly in witness of another’s pain.  To see the evidences of pain on a loved one’s face and to hear it, manifested in groans or even screams when the intolerable is upon him.  That must be how it feels for the husband in a labor room, standing close to his wife while she writhes with the pains of giving birth, in an impossible situation.  He’s wrong if he touches her, wrong if he doesn’t, wrong if he stands too close, wrong if he stands at a distance.  But there is nothing he can do to stop the pain.  He must wait. 
Invisible ice on black asphalt is no respecter of persons, even those who watch carefully for it and try to sidestep it.  It will catch the edge of your shoe and shoot your right leg straight out from under you, flying upward at an unnatural angle.  At least, that’s what it did to my husband.   I wasn’t there, I was on my way to work when I got word to drive instead to the hospital to meet the ambulance that was bringing him in. 

I arrived at the ER around 1:00 p.m., before the ambulance and paced anxiously at the entrance.  I knew it must be bad for Paul not to be able to move under his own power.  It was.  The nurse called me back into ER 19 just at the moment the EMT’s were moving him from their plastic stretcher  onto the ER bed.  I heard him before I saw him, quite uncharacteristically yelling for them to stop.  I stood by, wanting to be close but not wanting to see him endure it.  His boots had been removed, the thoughtful EMT’s placing his wallet, watch and cell phone down in one toe.  His pants were cut and lay in strips around and under him.  On the surface he looked fine, but it was obvious something was very, very wrong.
Pain meds in the ER began to take the edge off, and in between nurse and hospitalist checks we talked about what had happened, what would probably happen and what it might mean for the near future.  Nurse Andrea was a great match for Paul, respecting him but suggesting little things he could do to manage the pain and situate himself.  I made the phone calls and texts and began managing the replies.  Pastor Samuel stopped by and our good friend and boss Bob came to sit with me while we waited for the doctor and to get to a room.

Broken hip.  Femoral neck fracture.  Ball broken off at the top of the thigh bone.  Full replacement.  Titanium.  We were learning a whole new vocabulary.  Paul told the ER doctor to consult with our physician regarding whether to repair or replace, and whatever Frank said is what we would agree to. 
So many emotions in my body, needing to express themselves.  Fear, concern, hope, gratitude for good doctors and health insurance, anxiety, dread, impatience, how to face the unknown.  But it was all covered in prayer, our own prayers and those of the many believers in our lives who love us and who also know the power of praying to our all-powerful God.  This accident was no surprise to Him, and even if we couldn’t know why He allowed it we knew that He would bring us through.

At 5:30 p.m. they began the process of moving us up to room 662.  The plan was for Andrew and Mia to wheel his ER bed up to the room and transfer him to that bed.  Bob and I followed, carrying Paul’s personal items – I let Bob carry the boots with all the valuables in the toe.  Arriving at his room, they positioned the ER bed next to the room bed and told us to wait outside.  I didn’t want to leave the room but figured the nurse knew best.  Bob and I walked out into the hallway and heard the first scream.  “What are they doing to him?” Bob asked.  “I don’t know but I’m going to find out,” I said, walking back into the room. 

I saw Paul, half on a hard stretcher and half on the hospital bed, in agonizing pain and unable to stop the screaming.  Andrew turned to me and said sternly, “I need you to leave the room and close the door behind you.”  I obviously couldn’t help Paul at this point so I did as I was told.  As I closed the door to room 662, the visitor in room 663 closed that door too.  No one wanted to hear those screams of pain.
The combination of Paul taking only ½ doses of morphine in the ER and Nurse Andrew who was determined to do something even it if was wrong caused a serious situation.  After a few minutes we couldn’t stand it and went back into the room.  Paul had convinced them to stop trying to move him, and I made it clear I wasn’t leaving any more.  Andrew and Mia took the ER bed away and Bob prayed while I tried to comfort my husband.  The muscle spasms wouldn’t stop so I went to find another nurse.

By 7 pm shift change things were a tad better.  Our night nurse, Chuck was briefed by Andrew out in the hallway.  I heard Andrew tell him about the screaming that could be heard down the hall and wanted to say Dude, the man is in unbearable pain, give him a break!  but didn’t.   Chuck and Andrew came in to check Paul’s vitals and introduce Chuck.  Paul looked at the men standing at his  bedside.
“Chuck, you’d better do a good job of taking care of me, this other nurse dang near killed me.  Andrew, you’re fired!”   Chuck nodded to Andrew – “I’ve got it from here, thanks” and Andrew left the room.

After feeding Paul bites of fish, rice and broccoli from his supper tray – and learning how to manage his portable urinal – I left for a short trip home to let Duke in for the night and feed him.  It was going to be 18° and he couldn’t sleep outside.  Dang cold and ice.
Back again to the parking garage, through the south entrance and the maze to the north elevators, I settled into the recliner chair by his bed for a night of 30 minute dozes in between nurse checks and husband-tending .  But at least I had full mobility and could toss and turn to try and get comfortable.  Paul could not.  It would be 15 more hours before he would be taken to surgery and exchange this constant excruciating pain for post-surgical anesthetized bliss.

Saturday, March 16, 2013

New Dentist

I think I’m going to like my new dentist.  Especially since he kept Valerie.  But last week when I met him, well, let’s just say I don’t want to have that exact experience again.

For 34 years I had the same dentist, Dr. J, at the same location.  He knew my history, did all my fillings, crowns, re-fillings, re-crowns, and teeth cleanings.  He also did the routine dentals for my children, and we became good friends.  Heck, he’s not much older than I am so we kind of grew up together.  He knew my need for extra numbing shots, my sensitivity and my tolerance for pain.

Changing dentists can be traumatic, but I weathered Dr. J’s retirement well last year and he assured me the new guy, Dr. H, was young but very good.  I knew Dr. J wouldn’t steer me wrong so I tried the new guy and he was good.  I liked him and the new receptionist Valerie.  The only thing I didn’t like was that right about that time all my 30 yr old crowns and fillings started to fall apart, so Dr. H struck an immediate gold mine.  I’m sure I paid for his lake house, a new car or at the very least his student loans.

We saw a lot of each other for the next 8 months, trying to complete “out with the old and in with the new.”  There was one old crown left that still need replacing and I told Dr. H I’d wait until after the new year and we’d start up again.

It was March before I called to make the appointment, and I was shocked when Valerie told me Dr. H was out and there was another new guy, Dr. N.  Geez, I’m too old to keep breaking in new dentists, especially with everything breaking and deteriorating.  But I really like Valerie a great dental assistant who knows the insurance side of things better than anyone I’ve ever run across, and figured if I had to get a new dentist I may as well go with one whose receptionist I really liked.  I could always ditch him if the first appointment didn’t go well.

Which I thought about during the 2 ½ hour visit.  But it’s wasn’t Dr. N’s fault, it was more a comedy of errors due to the facts that he had been at that practice for exactly 1 week, was suffering from newly acquired Austin allergies, was experiencing equipment problems, and his new dental assistant Tiffany had just graduated from dental assistant school that morning.  Given those circumstances, Murphy’s Law took hold and it got a little crazy. 

Tiffany was a little nervous, and every time she made a mistake kept saying, “Just kidding!”  One thing she did very well was take xrays; I had more xrays in that one sitting than I’ve had in my entire life.  But choosing the tools for the dentist tray, working the water sprayer, suction or air gun she was not yet proficient at. By the time I was done I’d had my face washed, the insides of my cheeks sucked down a tube, and my hair was freshly blow dried. 

After Tiffany “prepped” me, Dr. N came in and introduced himself.  I told him I had fillings older than he was and he laughed.  Good, I thought, at least he has a sense of humor.  I told him I wasn’t a high maintenance patient but I did require extra deadening shots before the procedure.  Tiffany chimed in, “Oh yes, I’m the same way, my last procedure it took 9 shots”.  I wondered if that were Novocain for her or Jack Daniels for the doctor.

The doctor assessed my situation, swabbed the area with local and administered a hefty dose of anesthetic.  So far so good.  As he reached for his drill and examined the drill bit, he frowned.  “This old crown is metal, is this the sharpest tip we have?”  Tiffany replied, “It’s the one we are supposed to use.”  Dr. N started drilling.  And kept on drilling, drilling until I wondered how big the old crown could possibly be.  Finally, he stopped and said to her, “I need something sharper to drill it out.  Don’t we have something better?”

“Just kidding!” said Tiffany, as she rushed out to get another.  A few seconds later she returned with another, which Dr. N dutifully exchanged but didn’t look very hopeful.  He drilled for a while and then finally called, “Balerie, can I see you?”  (He has to say Valerie because he’s from Peru and V’s are hard for him.  It reminded me of Ricky Ricardo.)  Valerie popped in, realized right away he was trying to drill my old metal crown off with a Qtip and brought him the sharpest bit they had. 

Now he had the tools he needed and started to make headway.  Which I could feel because by this time the initial shot had started to wear off.  I let him know with my wild eyes and a slight raise of the hand that he needed to stop, which he did immediately. Valerie was watching from the doorway and said, “the mouth is starting to wake up, she needs another shot.”  Boy, did he ever give me another shot, two of ‘em in fact.  One in the same place as before, and another ‘surprise’ shot on the inside of the roof of the mouth, which hurt like H  E double hockey sticks.  “Sorry,” he said, and looked like he really meant it.

In seconds I was totally numb again and starting to enjoy the comedy routine.  Valerie was working on my mouth, pushing the gums up so they could get a better impression for the temporary crown.  She was enjoying her captive audience, telling me all about her 3 sons, her nephew who was learning to drive, and another nephew who called her “Aunt Chicken Nuggets”.  Her delightful narrative was set to the occasional sound of “Just Kidding!” coming from the other room where Tiffany was “helping” Dr. N with another patient.  I heard the doctor say, “Sorry about that water spray, our equipment is leaking.  Tiffany, can you bring him another towel?”   “Oh sure - just kidding!”

Valerie put pink foam into a plastic tray and placed it carefully in my mouth. While she waited for the impression to set she told me that she’d thought she wanted a girl but wasn’t sure if she wanted a fourth child but her husband would like one and who knows whether they would have another or not.  “I just got them all to the age where they can make their own peanut butter and jelly, it’s tempting to stop there,” she said. 

Finally the impression was made (in more ways than one), and Valerie fitted my temporary crown perfectly into the slot she and Dr. N had worked so hard to make.  She gave me a fresh towel and told me to meet her up front.  I stood up, feeling strange after all that time laying down with my mouth wide open and my hair with that wind blown look. 

Up front Dr. N was standing next to Balerie.  “I hope we didn’t hurt you,” he said compassionately.  “Not at all,” I said.  I turned to Valerie.  “Look, nothing personal but I’d like to stop seeing you quite so often!”  She laughed and said, “You say that now, but I just checked with your new insurance and this crown is $300 less than the last one you had!”  Man, she really knows how to keep you hooked.

I think I’m going to like my new dentist…



Friday, November 16, 2012

Living by The Book


Last week while some were focused on the election, real heroes were hard at work in the northeast helping to restore power to areas affected by Hurricane Sandy. 

A recent news article about the aftermath of the storm told of the crimes committed as people’s property was left unprotected.  There have been arrests for looting, price gouging, gas siphoned from cars, and cruelest of all criminals posing as relief workers who then steal from those already victimized by the storm.  “Most loathsome, perhaps, were reports of people posing as FEMA and utility workers to gain entry into homes, then sticking up residents.

Connecticut College professor social psychology Jason Nier was quoted as saying, “In a disaster situation, people aren’t sure what the norms are.  People may be looking to what others are doing in determining what their behavior may be.”  If that statement is true, it is a sad comment on how far character or our nation has deteriorated.  People may be looking to what others are doing for their standard of behavior, but there is a standard, a “norm”, and Americans used to be well educated in that standard.

The founders of America believed in a Supreme Being, a Creator God who granted liberty and with it accountability for one’s actions.  The foundation of their moral belief system is still in place today, given to us in the Holy Bible.  The first book of the Bible tells us that people are prone to bad behavior, behavior that goes against God’s desire for us and separates us from Him.  The second book and all those that follow give us a standard for behavior, to help us know how to live in community with one another.  Jesus Christ showed us by example how living by that standard works.

            Keep the Sabbath holy.  Gather regularly together in church.
            Honor your father and mother.
            Do not murder.
            Do not steal.
            Do not covet your neighbor’s house or anything that belongs to your neighbor.
            A thief must make restitution.
            Love God with all your heart, soul and strength.
            Teach your children God’s rules.
            When you eat and are satisfied, thank God.
            Love your neighbor as yourself.
            Take care of the poor, the widow, the fatherless.
            Do not lend with excessive interest.
            Be generous, not greedy.
            Pray always
            Forgive each other.
            Be ready to explain to someone who doesn’t know God why you have hope.
            Be able to discern truth from falsehood.

There isn’t anything unclear about God’s standards, and the beauty of His plan for us is that it works!   God didn’t give us His Word as a club, to beat people over the head with it.  He gave it out of love for each person, so that our life on this earth could be good and we can demonstrate His goodness.  If we would abide by the standard of the One who gave us life, breath, and the ability to have what we have life would be so much better. 

I have a nephew who lives in Texas but who is currently in New Jersey, working with a crew to restore power to the millions who have lost it.  His experience has quite different from the one in the article I referred to.  He tells of people who are patient, grateful that they didn’t lose their lives or homes or possessions, who provide the workers coffee and kind words and hot meals from their cars, and who thank those working to help them.   Those people are living by The Book.

He told us about crews from Texas and New Jersey sleeping in an 18-wheeler temporary bunkhouse.  They work together in harmony, building friendships and meshing similar skills with different accents to accomplish their shared goal.  These men too are living by The Book.   Take a look at these guys – forget about politics, it’s people like these men that have my support, my gratitude and my heartfelt thanks that in the midst of crisis they too are working and living by The Book.


Friday, September 21, 2012

Notes From the Nosebleed Section

The other night I had the most wonderful night’s sleep.  I didn’t wake until almost 6 a.m. and when I did of course I headed straight for the bathroom.  As I walked across the carpeted dressing area I noticed the floor felt squishy.  Oh no, I thought, this old plumbing has finally started to leak and we’ve got a major problem.  The floor in the closet was wet also.  I turned on the light to take a look.  The bathroom floor mat was gone, but other than that and the wet floor everything looked normal.  The areas closest to the faucets were actually dry, just the middle of the floor was wet.   I didn’t smell anything, and there were no stains on the carpet.  I couldn’t figure out what was going on.  I made a mental note to tell my husband about it later so he could investigate.
When we talked later that day, he said, “That was no leak, that was a major nosebleed.”  He said he’d woken in the middle of the night feeling his nose running and figured it was allergies.  He went to the bathroom, and turned on the light.  That’s when he saw blood everywhere, leaving a massive trail from the bed to the toilet area.  He told me that after he finally managed to get the bleeding stopped he used lots of cold water and towels to clean up the mess and they were soaking in the washer filled with cold water.  I couldn’t decide what was more incredulous to me, the fact that he had his first nosebleed ever AND cleaned up the mess so well that I couldn’t tell what had happened, or the fact that I slept through the whole thing!   The one night I get a really good night’s sleep and I wasn’t there to help my husband when he could have used it.  Darn.  We both agreed it was really strange that he had a nosebleed.  He’d never had one before, and didn’t have any pain or any other symptoms and he was feeling fine.  We chalked it up to a random occurrence.
That afternoon about 2 pm it happened again.  This time he was sitting at his desk, checking voice messages and writing them down when he saw big drops of blood covering the legal pad.  He called to me and as soon as I saw what was happening I ran to get a roll of paper towels.  As a veteran of nosebleeds, I advised him to pinch his nose right above where the nostrils flared and lean slightly forward.  Slowly, the bleeding subsided.  I looked at the desk, his shirt, the floor and thought good grief, this looks like a homicide scene!  What in the world was going on?  We got him and the area cleaned up and a fresh shirt so that he could go to his meeting without looking like “You should see the other guy…”  I called the doctor and requested a call back; this was not normal and something was going on.   The nurse called back shortly and asked about history of nosebleeds, other symptoms, medicines he was on, and advised him to take his blood pressure.  She said it was probably not anything serious, but due to the amount of bleeding combined with his history the doctor advised that if it happened again that night and we couldn’t stop the bleeding quickly we were to get to the ER.  I felt somewhat better, at least now I had a plan from a doctor.
That evening at home I told Paul that I was not going to go to sleep until after he was well asleep and there was no blood.  He waved everything off and said he was fine.  We had planned to go to the hardware store for a bulk lumber purchase in preparation of a work weekend at the family ranch, so we decided to head to Lowes.  He said he felt fine but I insisted on driving.  I was still worried about the sudden onset of these incidents and how much blood he had lost. 
We arrived at Lowes a little before 8 p.m. – which by the way is a great time to go to the hardware store.  There was hardly anyone around and we had the contractor section practically to ourselves.  We looked at bathroom hardware and vanities to get an idea of what we might like once the ranch bathrooms were remodeled, then headed over to the lumber section to get the 2 x 4 x 8’s for framing  the new shower.   Paul showed me how to make sure each board was straight and how to discern the ones that shouldn’t ‘make the cut’.  He started pulling boards off the giant shelves and handing them to me to true up, where I’d either hand them back if they were a discard or place them on the lumber dolly if they measured up.  We had our own little assembly line going and I had just selected board # 8 out of 32 when I noticed a large pool of blood on the concrete floor.  I looked up as Paul was turning around to hand me another 2 x 4.  Blood was flowing freely from his nose onto his white Tshirt, which was quickly being covered by large bright red circles.   “Honey, sit down, you are bleeding again,” I exclaimed.  I dug in my purse for tissue and came up with one slightly used Kleenex.  “Here, hold this to your nose and clamp your nostrils where I showed you.  I’m going to go get some towels.” 
I left him sitting on a wooden pallet in the aisle, in his blood-soaked Tshirt holding a pitiful used tissue.  I was worried he would pass out from so much loss of blood.  Running up to the checkout counter I asked, “Do you have a roll of shop towels?  My husband has a severe nosebleed and I need something.”  The guy at the counter pulled out a roll of dusty, dingy towels that looked like they belonged in a bathroom dispenser.  “Here, you can have these but they aren’t the cleanest,” he replied.  “Neither is your floor back in the lumber section,” I smiled.  I grabbed the roll and ran back down the aisle.  Paul’s nose was still bleeding.  A young couple wandering by eyed him curiously, then turned to stare at me.  I guess we did make quite the spectacle – me in my loudly colored house-dress which I rarely wore outside the house, my hair loosely put up in a butterfly clip and my most comfortable flip-flops, and Paul in his formerly white Tshirt and red plaid shorts, wad of shop towels mashed against his face, standing next to a dinner plate-sized pool of blood on the floor.
A different store clerk came over and asked, “Sir, are you ok?”  I showed him the roll of towels and said, “Just a nosebleed, sorry about the mess, I’ll try to get it cleaned up.”  Seeing our partially filled lumber dolly, the clerk said, “Can I help you get what you need?”  Paul told him what we were looking for and he headed off with the dolly to get help loading the lumber.
Paul looked up at me, disgusted with having to talk to people with a wad of towels shoved in front of his nose.  “Let them load up the 2 x 4’s and take my wallet up to the counter.  Pay for everything and keep the receipt, we’ll let them pick out the studs.  I’ve got to get out to the truck and lean back, I feel kind of weak.”
 At this point I started to panic in earnest, and told him we were headed straight to the ER.  He didn’t say anything but he didn’t argue with me either.  I hurried him as much as I dared, not wanting the movement to escalate the flow of blood.  When we got to the counter a different clerk was there.  He looked at Paul and back at me.  “Can I help you?”  Paul nodded.  “We’re getting some lumber that needs loading into my truck outside.  My wife is going to settle up with you while I go move the truck.”  I told the guy what we were purchasing and he rang it up.  Swiping the credit card through the machine, I looked outside while I waited for the signature screen to appear.  I could see that Paul had managed to move the truck to the loading area and was now sitting in the passenger side.  Couldn’t this guy move any faster?  “Ready for you to sign, ma’am,” he said.  I scribbled with the plastic pen and took the receipt.  “Can I have a few more towels, please?  My husband has a bad nosebleed and we can’t seem to get it stopped.”  He tore off a few more towels and handed them to me.  I grabbed them and ran out to the truck.
Two young guys were loading 2 x 4 x 8’s into the back of the truck.  I walked around to the passenger side to check on Paul.  He was slightly reclining, repositioning the shop towels under his nose.  I saw several wads of bloody paper on the floorboard.  This was getting ridiculous, and I was getting scared.  Was my husband going to bleed to death here in the loading bay of Lowes?  At that moment the young clerk who had helped us in the lumber aisle ran up to the truck and said, “Here, I brought you this ice pack.  Just break it open and it’ll get cold.  Can I get you anything else?”  We thanked him and assured him the situation was contained.  He looked doubtful but turned around to go back inside.  I handed the ice pack to Paul who placed it on top of the wad of towels on his face.  Obviously I would be driving from here on out, so I thanked the loading guys as they put the last piece of lumber in the truck bed and walked around to the driver’s door.
I adjusted the seat and mirrors and turned to look at Paul.  “We are heading straight to the ER.  That’s what the doctor said to do, if this happened again tonight and we couldn’t get the bleeding stopped quickly we were to go to the ER.”  Here’s how the rest of the conversation went:
Paul:      I don’t need to go to the stinkin’ ER.
Me:        I don’t care, we are going to do want the doctor said.
Paul:      Look, the bleeding is almost stopped.  I just want to go home.
Me:        It stopped for a while both times before too, only to start again in a few hours.  You have lost a lot of blood, and this is starting to scare me.  We’re driving to the ER.  Do you have a preference which one we go to?
Paul:      I just want to go home.
Me:        Fine, we’ll go to that new ER close to our house.  Please put your seat belt on, and keep pinching your nose so the bleeding doesn’t get going again.  We’re out of towels.
I’m a native Texan so I can drive, park and navigate traffic with a pickup truck.  But it’s a little more interesting when the bed is loaded with lumber.  Not only was my rear view blocked but about 3 dozen 2 x 4s were overhanging the back end by several feet and I was nervous about tailgaters on the road.  As I pulled cautiously out of the parking lot I heard some of the studs shift in the back.  Suddenly I remembered we also had dozens of boxes of ceramic tile and several sheets of glass tiles in the truck bed, right under the lumber overhang.  I didn’t want that expensive stuff to get broken to pieces on my watch.  All I had to do was get my bleeding husband to the ER without losing a single stud or trashing the tile.  No pressure.
As we merged onto the freeway I noticed Paul feeling around for some more towels.  The nose was on the flow again, not too heavy yet but definitely not stopped.  I didn’t know how much more blood he could stand to lose and he had stopped arguing with me about going to the ER.  Tailgaters, studs and tile be damned – I pressed the accelerator.
About 12 minutes later I turned into the medical center parking lot and looked for signs to the ER.  This was a smaller, new hospital in our neighborhood and we’d only been once to visit a friend.  But at the time a staffer told us the ER was open and ready for business.  I figured any ER should be able to handle a nosebleed situation…..
To my relief the parking lot wasn’t crowded.  I wheeled the Z71 diagonally into a horizontal parking space – well, two spaces actually but I wasn’t going for accuracy.  Besides, given our overhang we needed at least two spaces.  I yanked the keys out of the ignition, jumped out and ran around to Paul’s door.  I opened it and helped him out – for a guy who was “fine” he sure seemed in a weakened state to me.   We walked up to the emergency entrance and through the automatic doors.  A very efficient nurse greeted us and led us into an examination room.  Paul laid down on the table in all his blood-stained-shirt-plaid-shorts glory while I did the paperwork.  The admitting nurse left the room and we waited for the doctor.  Paul was starting to feel better because he sat up, saying “This is ridiculous.  I don’t need a doctor, just need to go home and lie down.  It’ll probably cost us $2000 and all I needed was more towels for my nose.”  We had an abbreviated version of our by now routine “I want to go home / We are going to the ER” conversation.  Since we were already at the ER I won this round.
About that time the doctor walked in.   At least that’s who he said he was.  I didn’t believe it though, he couldn’t have been more than 13 ½ and he seemed nervous.  He also didn’t know his way around the room very well.  Great, we chose the ER where Doogie Howser was doing his residency.  Too late now.  He rummaged around in a cabinet for a pair of gloves, then turned back to Paul as Nurse Ratchett appeared in the doorway.  Unlike Dr. Howser, she was extremely confident and very familiar with her surroundings.  She surveyed the situation and just stood there.  Doc asked Nurse if she knew where a scope light was, and she said, “There should be one in the cabinet.”  Didn’t move, didn’t offer to get it for him much less help him find it, just stood there.  He turned back to the cabinet and rummaged some more.  Ratch finally ambled over to the cabinet, opened the far right door, pulled out the scope and handed it to him without a word.  Her contempt for the young doctor was almost tangible.  Great, I thought – my husband is going to bleed to death while these two act out their power play.
It became clear to me that what we had here was a very experienced RN of probably 30+ years teamed with an inexperienced doctor who had been practicing approximately 17 minutes.  I could not believe she wasn’t even trying to help him.  Doogie bent over Paul with the scope, intently peering into his nasal cavity.  He asked some questions about the frequency and severity of the nosebleeds and took another look.  When he straightened up he said that we really needed to get to an ENT as this sort of thing wasn’t his specialty.  However, he went on to say that it appeared it was not the type of nosebleed that was life threatening.  Life threatening???  A nosebleed can kill you??  Geez, what were we dealing with here?! 
Doogie turned to Ratch and bravely said, “I need a nasal tampon please.”  I almost burst out laughing  - they were going to fix my husband’s nosebleed with a tampon!!  Nurse sauntered over and leaned on the counter.  “There should be one in the cabinet.”  Apparently they had their own version of the “I want to go home / We are going to the ER” conversation.  This time however Doc was prepared.  “I already looked, and I didn’t see any.”  Obviously put out, Nurse Ratchett turned and left the room, heading down the hall and out of sight.  Score one for the doc.  He looked up at us and smiled.  “I’ll be right back and we’ll get this nose packed for you.”
This time when the room emptied of all medical personnel, Paul sat up and rolled his eyes at me.  “This is ridiculous.  These people don’t know what they are doing and they aren’t even fully stocked with supplies!  Get me out of here.”  Secretly I was inclined to agree with him, but we were already admitted and besides, I was committed to following through with what our doctor – a real physician – had instructed us to do.  I was thinking of an intelligent comeback when the doc can back in, closely followed.  He immediately noticed that Paul’s nose had started bleeding again just by sitting up, and he seemed to take a more serious interest.  He even sounded more like a doctor.  “Lay back down, we’ve got to get this bleeding stopped and appropriate packing put in place to get you stabilized.”  He donned a fresh pair of plastic gloves.  Nurse Ratchet came in carrying two plastic packets.  “This is all we have – two sizes only, small and large.”  She caught a glimpse of my freshly bleeding husband and for some reason it had the effect of softening her.  Possibly she also noticed the panicked look on my face.  I was beginning to thing he wouldn’t make it through the night without bleeding to death and I surely couldn’t leave him here. 
Ratch began to talk reassuringly to us while Doogie determined which packing material he would use.  She asked Paul about his blood pressure, exercise habits and whether he thought he was overweight.  He glared at her.  “What do you think?” he asked.  She smiled sweetly.  “I was just trying to be nice.”  After that she was even nicer – I think she liked having a patient spar with her, especially a handsome one, even if he was being a crankypants.
Doc decided to try the small nasal tampon.  He carefully inserted it into the nasal cavity as far as it would go.  He instructed Paul to keep lying down and he’d be back in a few minutes to see if the bleeding was stopped.  Of course, when someone is messing around in your nose it tends to tickle all those little sensors and it makes you want to sneeze.  Which Paul did.  Out comes the packing, out comes a new flow of blood, and basically I felt like we were back at square one.
Nurse came running in, the Doctor on her heels.  “You should have used the large nasal tampon,” she said accusingly to Doogie.  He just ignored her – finally, he was getting a backbone.  This time he approached the cabinet confidently, extracted the tool he had used previously - which he had found with no help from Ratchett - and opened the packaging for the large tampon.  Same song, second verse, except this time he also instructed the patient not to sneeze.  Amazingly, he did not. 
After another 15 minutes or so of waiting, Doc pronounced that he would release us.  He told Paul to keep the packing in all night and until he saw the ENT if possible.  We thanked him, and he toddled off down the hall having performed his emergency doctor duties for the night.    Ratch came to the door and asked me if I’d like her to wait with Paul while I went to pull the car around.  Not only did I not want my husband alone with Nurse I’ve-Got-A-Crush-On-You, but no way was I going to drive our Jed Clampett truck with all the lumber sticking out of the back, piles of tiles askew in the bed and plumbing parts everywhere right up to the emergency entrance of a new, fancy looking hospital.  “No thanks, we’ll walk,” I said as I grabbed Paul’s hand and practically yanked him out of her grasp.  Geez, these older women love to throw themselves at my husband even when he’s literally a bloody mess.
Doc had suggested I get some neosenephrine to spray in the nostrils to keep the blood vessels constricted and hinder bleeding.  By now it was 11 pm and I wasn’t sure we had a pharmacy open in our neighborhood.  On the way home I spotted a CVS and turn into the parking lot.  The cashier was outside, cleaning the glass of the front door, obviously preparing to close for the night.  I jumped out and ran up to her.  “We just came from the ER, the doc said I need to get one over the counter item, do I have time?”  “We close in 5 minutes,” she said.  I raced back to the cold and allergy section and scanned the rows of boxes for neosenephrine.  They had one box - I snagged it.
I passed down the wine aisle as I walked up front to check out.  It occurred to me that it had been a long evening, I probably wasn’t going to go to bed anytime soon because I would need to watch my husband for a while, and I ought to buy something for myself too.  I grabbed a bottle of pinot noir and plopped my two items on the counter.  The cashier, anxious for me to exit so she could close up the store, eyed my purchases.  You could almost hear her thinking, “Yeah, right, you just went to the ER and the doctor told you to stop by the drug store and get a bottle of wine!!”  She wordlessly rang me up, I paid the bill and exited the building with as much dignity as I could muster. 
Within minutes we were home.  Finally.  I helped Paul walk in and got him settled on the couch.  I didn’t want him moving any more than absolutely necessary.  “Neosenephrine for you, wine for me!” I cheerfully announced.  He scowled as I sprayed in the medicine, careful not to disturb the packing.  It had been a long 24 hours, my worry increasing with every nosebleed and the high-anxiety drive in our Jed Clampett truck to the ER staffed with some of Austin’s finest.  Now, sitting on the couch watching my husband and sipping a glass of wine, I began to relax a tiny bit.  I was scared to go to sleep.  What if his tampon fell out and he bled to death during the night?  Would I sleep right through it like I had the night before when he bled all over the bed and dressing area?  He started to slump over and said he felt very weak.  No kidding, with as much blood as he had lost.  He laid down on the couch.  It was then that I noticed the tampon beginning its slide, out of his nostril and down his face.  “Honey, don’t let it fall out!” I said.  He just looked at me, then said, “You deal with it, I’m too tired.”
With all the medicine inside his nose, there was no keeping that packing in there.  And I sure as heck wasn’t going to sit up all night holding it in.  There was wine to drink and sleep to be had.  Nasal tampons be damned!  I collected the packing with a paper towel  -  amazingly we still had a few – and tossed it in the garbage.  So much for all the doc’s hard work.
Fortunately the night passed uneventfully.   I awoke to begin making calls to try and get him into an ENT that morning.  We got an appointment for 9:00 am – apparently they take heavy sudden nosebleeds and visits to the ER pretty seriously.  I was permitted in the exam room with Paul where we waited to meet a new doctor.  This one was no Doogie Howser; he was more of the good old boy variety who looked like a coach.  I liked him right away.  His common sense style and professional demeanor put us at ease.  Paul started by telling him he wished his wife would find another place besides the nose to hit.  Ha Ha, very funny.  I countered with, “I’m happy to start punching you in the arm if you prefer.”  Dr. W just laughed and said, “Tilt your head back, let me take a look.” 
Almost immediately after looking with a lighted scope in the now tampon-free nostril, he spotted the problem.  “You’ve got a large blood vessel that has dried up and started to crack.  Because it’s so large, once it started leaking it let a lot of blood out.”   “You’re telling me!” I replied.  “We’ve both taken to wearing red all the time so the blood won’t show.”  I glanced down, and as it happened we were both actually wearing red shirts.  Doc said, “This happens as you get older.  And like you most people are on baby aspirin these days so our nosebleed cases have been on the rise.  But it’s much better to see the doctor for a nosebleed than for a heart attack.”
He called in the nurse to set up the equipment.  She powered up what appeared to be a small soldering iron.  Within seconds it was smoking, little wisps of smoke rising in the air as it heated.  This was going to be interesting, I decided.  The doc came back and told Paul to hold very still, that he was going to inject the site to deaden it for the procedure.  Yowsa, nothing like having a long needle stuck up your nose – what a place to get a shot.  Paul flinched a bit but followed instructions.  Then, after waiting a few minutes to make sure the shot had taken effect, doc picked up the instrument and began his welding. 
Fifteen minutes later, we were at the checkout desk.  The doc had cauterized the defective vessel, advised him what to expect in the next two weeks, and released him to work.  It was such a relief to know that we didn’t have to worry about any more sudden loss of blood or trips to the ER.  Out of the nosebleed section at last.