Letter from Bambi

Dear Emily,

Hi!  I sure miss you, you always play with me so much when you come for a visit and I like having so much time off my shelf.  It’s funny, Grandma hasn’t put me back on the shelf yet like she usually does.  In fact, none of the other animals or dolls are back in their places in the grandkids room either, it’s really weird.  Grandpa is napping and Grandma is doing her writing.  But since while I’m free I’m going to take a walk around the house and see what’s going on. 

I’m on the floor in the grandkids room by the door, right where you left me.  Ramona is lying beside me, face down and with both her shoes off, as usual.  That big basket in the corner is stuffed with all the kids blankets, and church baby, both Winnie the Poohs, Mickey and Grandma Bear are all in there too.  Grandma Bear looks pretty squished because Pooh is right on top of her.  Raggedy Ann is flopped over, half on a shelf and half on the floor.  The Tiggers are next to the shelf with Piglet, and one of the little Cliffords is excited because he gets to be on the top shelf for a change, where Molly put him.  His left ear is cocked all the way up like he’s listening for you to come up the stairs.  A LOT of the books are spread out and relaxing on the floor, couch, in the cradle and under the rocking chair – they look happy.  Grandma says where is Emily when she needs her to organize this room?

The computer room looks pretty much the same, except there is a really cool picture of purple mountains majesty on the cedar chest.  Did you draw that?  It’s really pretty.  Oh, and some of Pete’s food is in his water bowl, plus his chase-balls are under the desk.  He isn’t here though – I haven’t seen him in days except two times when he raced down the hallway like he was being chased.  He looked kinda crazy.

I went into the bathroom to get a drink; it doesn’t look the same.  There are toys in the bathtub; when Grandma takes her shower there are never any toys in there, I guess she doesn’t like to play in the bath.  I saw the picture of the Biggest Bubble Bath ever that you and Lily had – WOW, that was a lot of bubbles Grandpa made for you!

When I saw the building blocks out on the upstairs back porch I just had to go outside and see what you built.  It looks like a school!   A School for Fish!  There is a room for the fish, one for the dolphins, the sharks and whales are all in the same class, and the squid went in the room with all the snakes.  Two of those snakes have their heads up over the walls, I think they are looking for you and Molly.  The fish are still very clean from the bath you gave them.  Also there’s a playground next to the school.  The turtles got together and are talking about whether they want to make the long walk over to the swings.  That is a BIG school, it must have taken you a long time to build it.  I think Grandma is going to leave it up for a while.

I found your finger paintings in Grandma & Grandpa’s room.  Wow, really colorful pictures of the sun and all the planets.  Grandma said she likes the yellow sun one the best, but I like the one with all the red handprints on it.

Gosh, the house seems so quiet!  I thought no one was downstairs until I heard Grandpa snoring a little.  Thankfully he doesn’t snore as loud as Grandma does sometimes.   They must be having another dinner party tonight, the table is set for 5 plus Molly’s chair.  For some reason Baby is laying down on the table, and the little Red Wagon is parked crooked next to the window.  And you know that little wooden puzzle wagon Molly was dragging around everywhere?  I don’t see the wagon but those wooden blocks are everywhere.   I heard Grandma say just leave them and she’ll collect them as she finds them.  She doesn’t seem to be in a hurry and was smiling when she said it.  But I like it when the blocks are all on the wagon and they make that picture of the pig on the farm. 

Say, what happened to all the juice boxes in the frig?  And the strawberries and blueberries?  Plus we are almost out of eggs, and there is no chocolate milk anywhere.  You should come back because that’s when Grandma buys the good stuff.  I did find a few goldfish under Molly’s chair, and Grandma always has animal crackers.  Duke is outside eating his chicken bones and saying “yum, yum”.  Well, he said “woof, woof”, but he means yum, yum. 

The markers and stickers are still on your little blue table in the living room.  Looks like Molly left right in the middle of coloring a picture, her coloring book is still open to that page with the gingerbread man on it.  She was using brown.  But the TV has a boring golf game on it.  I liked it better when you were here, at least if the TV was on I could watch a little Mickey, or Pluto, or Winnie the Pooh.  Remember when we had movie nights?  We got to see 101 Dalmatians and Robin Hood, but my favorite was Bambi, of course :)

Outside the birds are all over the feeder and in the bird bath.  Big Daddy blue jay is taking a bath, and the sparrows are eating their lunch.  They said thank you for watching out for the squirrels to keep them away from their food, and for reminding Grandma when to put more food in.  And I see you got to go swimming on the back porch too.  The little pool still has water in it, and the kids broom is lying in the water.  Boy, you did a GREAT job cleaning out that pool, Grandpa says it’s never been so clean.  And you sure got him with the water-splash game – he was SO wet!!!

Nothing much happening here, so I guess I’ll go back upstairs.  Hey, there’s Grandma, still writing.  I think I’ll sneak up behind her and see what she is writing about.  Oh, I see.  She’s making her stories about while you were here.  Monday you got to go to IHOP for pancakes for breakfast – in your pajamas!!  Hey, how come you didn’t take me?  I like pancakes too, you know.  Then you went on a long grocery store trip and she said you and Molly got to ride in a car in front of the grocery cart.  Did you and Molly both drive?

Tuesday she took you to Zilker Park to ride the train.  You rode all through the park, and went in 3 tunnels!  One was underground, and the other two were very narrow and under a bridge with cars on it.  She said it was a little scary in the narrow tunnel because there was a steep dropoff down into Town Lake.  But the conductor blew the whistle and went very slowly so it was okay.  Then the train went around a bend where a man was playing his guitar and a harmonica at the same time.  Molly sat very still and watched everything very carefully.  She said you like the playground – it’s really, really big and has a fire truck on it.  And you got to have a picnic lunch!  But the pigeons wouldn’t let Molly catch them, even though she tried. 

On Wednesday we baked cookies, remember?  I was there for that because you pulled up a chair just for me.  You cut cookies in the shapes of the Three Bears and Goldilocks, little lamb, a cat, a moon, a sun, an Easter egg and a butterfly.  Grandpa bear cookie is really big.  I like the blue icing you made, and the different color sprinkles you decorated with.  Molly’s cookie is kind of messy.   After we ate a cookie we went upstairs for Library Day.  You picked out the books, you read some and then Grandma read some and all of us animals got to listen.  I like Library Day.   And I liked it when you set us up to play school too.

I wish I could have gone with you to Grandma’s work on Thursday.  Her friends liked having you and Molly come for a visit, and she said you got to jump across big steps over water and see a waterfall.  That afternoon you went to Brentwood Park and got to swim in a big pool all by yourself.  Molly was supposed to be in the baby pool, and she did stay in it when you were there.  But when you went to the big pool, she wanted to go to – she just wants to do whatever you do!  The playground there was fun, nice and shady and the swings were just the right size. 

Friday was the day you got to go to the bookstore.  I saw the Cinderella castle you made with your mom, and the Aladdin book with the 3D glasses.  I really liked the Dollar Bill books, where Junior learns how to save, spend and give.  The fit perfectly in your new backpack Aunt Tracy gave you.

Speaking of Aunt Tracy, you and she made some beautiful chalk art on the front porch.  I can see the rainbow, the butterflies, and the house with everyone in your family from the dining room window.  And the pictures you and Lily drew are still there too.  She said she really enjoyed watching Robin Hood with you.  I can’t believe she had never seen it before!  Uncle Walter likes the pictures too, and he liked playing with you and Molly in the grandkids room.  He said Molly kept jumping on him and wanting to “ride”.

Grandma is writing that she had a great eight days with her girls.  She loved it that your mommy came for a visit too.  She says she’s already planning her vacation days next year so she can have you for another visit.  Do you think you can come back before next summer?  That’s a long time before I get to see you, and it won’t be long before I’m tucked back on my shelf next to my book again and can't get out.  I miss you, write back when you can.

Love,

Bambi

P.S.                 What is Pinterest?

P.P.S.             Every time I hear the doves cooing I hear Molly saying “Owl, owl”.  You and I know the sound is cooing, but Molly thought it was an owl “who-whoing!!”

P.P.P.S.         Grandma still has her light pink fingernails and bright pink toenails to match yours.

P.P.P.P.S.     Grandma cried some tears after you all left – she wasn’t hurt and I didn’t see any reason why she should cry but she did.  Weird. 

Lessons from the Bed Desk

I’ve just returned from what seems like a long journey.  Even now things seem … surreal, and like I am not yet back in my body.  For 7 days I’ve been on doctor ordered bed-rest, or bed-desk as I prefer to call it since I had to work the whole time.    I have discovered a new depth of respect for those who are chronically ill, who must fact long-term treatments for chronic illness, and for those who for whatever reason have permanently lost their ability to speak. 

I was reminded how fragile this physical life is, and at the same time how amazingly designed by God are these human bodies.   Especially the pulmonary systems - the delicate act of respiration, and the incredible amounts of mucous that can be produced with respiratory illnesses.  The doctor diagnosed me with an upper respiratory bronchial infection; undiagnosed but recognized was the very real possibility of pneumonia, given my symptoms and history, and all this was later complicated by learning I’d been exposed to whooping cough at a local hospital while visiting. 

For some reason this area has become my Achilles heel, my constant weakness, as an adult.  I wasn’t plagued with it as a child, but since a near-fatal bout of pneumonia and Type A flu back in the early 1990’s that has been my area of struggle regarding health.  If our government proceeds down this current health “care” disaster road, I’ll be a prime candidate for the death panels:  serious asthma for which I take 3 meds, allergies, and history of respiratory infections and sleep apnea – oh the bureaucrats will love me. 

I am grateful, still and always, for modern technology that allows working remotely, for access to good doctors and medicines and the means to pay for it.  For living in a country where those things are taken for granted, expected as part of a typical American’s life, and without which we get very impatient and cranky. 

When life throws me a curve ball God has taught me to avoid the Why questions and ask instead Lord, What do you want me to learn from this thing?  That is infinitely the more useful question.  During this illness I was moved to cling to 2Co. 12:9, where the Lord told Paul “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”  Instead of asking why me, why now, why on a 3 day holiday weekend, why when I have so much do to, why this illness, etc., I found if I simply acknowledged that this is what God is allowing me to go through and there must be a reason I could accept that and have grace for the task at hand or the difficult symptoms of the illness, or both.

Easier said than done, but very doable when you have Jesus on the throne of your heart and His strength to do the work.   There was a reason that I have these things written at the top of my page in my prayer lists:

          God is more interested in my growth than my accomplishments.

          God’s will is not about my plans

          Ps 71:14  -  I will always have hope

          Ps 125:1  -  Be unmoved by circumstances

          Ph 4:19    -  God will supply all my needs.

          Lk 1:13     -  Never give up, the grace of going on

God is Truth, and He has never failed to keep any of His promises.  I found that indeed His grace was sufficient during that hell-week.  There was only one day that was particularly hard; I shed lots of tears, started to feel sorry for myself and in general had myself a nice little pity party.  When it had subsided, I realized that I had let my focus shift from Christ to circumstances, and when that happens I always get off track.    Even as a believer, when I KNOW I’m a child of the King, that I have the joy of my eternal salvation and the knowledge of all my blessings and many answered prayers, that nothing can separate me from God’s love – even with all of that sometimes Satan can crush my spirit, my hope, and start me down the road of despair.  Why?  Because I take my eyes off the Lord and focus on me instead of what He is doing in me.  When I focus too much on me and how badly I feel I become miserable.  But when I step out of my pain and pray for others, or just read the Word, His grace IS sufficient.  It’s true – try it for yourself and find the freedom that is the life of a Christ follower!

I was reminded anew of the power of prayer, how you can somehow tangibly feel the prayers of God’s people.  It is a humbling, amazing thing.   I can’t imagine what it would be like to go through life without that. 

Toward the end of my bed rest I opened one of my favorite devotionals, Oswald Chambers’ My Utmost for His Highest, and the bookmark was placed at a date about two weeks earlier.  I glanced at the next page and knew immediately that God wanted me to read it that day, the day I found it.  I couldn’t miss the message intended for me:

The Habit of Enjoying the Disagreeable

  Do I manifest the essential sweetness of the Son of God, or the essential irritation of “myself” apart from Him?  No matter how disagreeable a thing may be, say:  “Lord I am delighted to obey Thee in this matter,” and instantly the Son of God will press to the front, and there will be manifested in my human life that which glorifies Jesus.

… you cannot keep yourself fit to let Him be manifested if you give way to self-pity.   It is one thing to choose the disagreeable, and another thing to go into the disagreeable by God’s engineering.   If God puts you there, He is amply sufficient.

Other lessons learned.  I need to do more of what I do best when it comes to audit time at work – delegate.  There are things I can do post-audit to try and improve the billing process now that should help next year at audit time if they are consistently implemented.  I need to figure out a pro-active process to identify and correct errors prior to their being tagged in audit.  I can hand off more administrative responsibilities to some around me, and I must find a way to make some of that permanent.  Our CEO was right to comment in a meeting earlier this year that we have GOOD people at our company.  We do.  We have done some pruning in the past year and the resulting team is really good and excellent to work with.  We will get past the backlash of errors from those who are no longer with us, and I don’t need to let those define our corporate identity in the support staff arena.

And thank God for a blog!  It’s been too long since I’ve used it to free up all the stress captured in my body (the best example of which is blog 1 about the Duke Disaster) and I think I may have produced one of my better ones in Nightmare on Audit Street.  What a great God we serve – He gives me a love of writing, some talent with which to work, and many avenues to explore the use of this gift.  So, onward in health, in writing, and in a life lived out in gratitude to the only One who is worthy.

Nightmare on Audit Street

Audit:  1.  an official examination and verification of accounts and records, especially financial accounts.  2.  a report or statement reflecting an audit; a final statement of account.  (Dictionary.com)

April is always my favorite time of the year – winter is gone, summer isn’t quite here yet and wildflowers are in full bloom.  Everything is beautiful, new, fresh, inspiring hopeful.  Except the audit work with which I am tasked each year at this time.  The bond numbers may be “fresh” for the current year, but there is nothing beautiful, new, fresh, inspiring or hopeful about this process – at least not to me.

I’m a writer by nature, an Administrative Manager and Human Resources professional by vocation, and spiritually a Christ follower.  There is not a bone in my body that understands, identifies with or appreciates anything about audits or auditors.   As I often say at work, “math is not my thing.”  Details?  Yes.   Procedures?  Absolutely.   Rules and Regulations?  I was born to be a hall monitor.  Doing things the right and most efficient way?  In my blood.  But auditing?  No way.  From where I sit it’s just a bunch of accountants who don’t understand our industry who look for errors, refuse to take what we consider supporting documentation as such and who wouldn’t know a working day from a calendar day if it bit them in the butt.

This year I got my first list from the Wis (my pet name for our CFO, who is an absolute PRINCE in my book – whatever he gets paid it’s not enough) on March 30^th.  It was a tame little list of 60 or so bonds and I worked it through and sent it back.  Then the annual routine began.  Based on the auditor’s pickiness findings, I received another list, then another, of bonds which I had to review.  My responsibility is to review the way the bond was billed in the system, research the supporting documentation and either clarify it, find it if it isn’t on file, or admit to error and show support for the correct dates.  The support docs I provide have to be accessed, the appropriate sections pulled and annotated, saved to a folder supposedly accessible by the auditors and ready to be pulled again at any time.  There is of course a tracking list to enter all the data, and to monitor which bonds have had support provided ongoing.  There is also the fun task of having to loop in an underwriting assistant or underwriter, explain what I need and why I need it and when I have to have it and how it has to come to me and yes I really need it that way and that quickly.   These are the things that I am tasked with.  Not a big deal really.  Unless over the course of 2 months it amounts to nearly 1,000 bonds, many of which had to be looked at again and again as the auditors back and forth questioning went on.  And on … and on … and on.

The Friday before Memorial Day I was finishing up what I hoped was the almost last batch when the Wis sent me my “last” (ha ha, ho ho , he he, oh that is funny) audit list to research.  It contained 310 bonds each of which needed to be researched and an adequate support doc or explanation provided.  I was by now weary of the process but such is life, it’s part of my job, and since I was sick anyway and on bed rest per the doc I figured what is one Memorial Day weekend to have to work through.  It’s not a real sacrifice like those men who died so that we might life free.  Having been steeped in the Word and “prayed up” I did pretty well with my attitude Friday upon receiving the list.  God’s Grace was sufficient for me again on the Saturday, Sunday and Monday of Memorial Day weekend - which I spent alternately resting due to my illness and working on the audit – and even on Tuesday, after receiving spreadsheets with auditor questions on bonds I’d reviewed that needed my reply comments, when I realized gosh, it still wasn’t over, I was still on “bed-desk” and now working 14 hours days to get this accomplished.  But Wednesday was another story.

First, I didn’t start out with my regular prayer time, which always sets the tone for my day – big mistake.  I had been up late the night before, didn’t sleep well due to the coughing spells and awoke late at 8:30 to find four emails from my CFO about the day’s work that lay ahead.  Something in me snapped when I read that 4^th email with yet another list.  Did these auditor people not have a heart or soul?  Were they simply masochists at the core, sitting in their borrowed cubicles rubbing their hands together in glee at the agony they were inflicting on our staff?  Or were they just geeky nerd droids who had zero life and it never occurred to them that others might have other things to do like a regular job or get enough sleep?  Perhaps they were control freaks who relished the power of being able to tell others what to do, the timeframe in which to do it, and upon completion of the task immediately circle back with inane questions or thrice repeated requests for the same exact documents.  (Personally I’m convinced they ask for the same document over and over to try and get us to send different or conflicting ones, thinking that what we’d initially sent was inadequate.  No one working for a top national accounting firm making big bucks could possibly be that stupid or sloppy to miss something so clearly identified in a folder set up exclusively for their use.)  Or perhaps they were truly just doing their very best to do a thorough job before issuing a financial report on our company.          Nah, that couldn’t be it…..

Today is June 1^st, and the Wis says we have completed our last, Truly final round of Q&A with the auditors.  This never ending, audit without end, Nightmare on Audit Street is really over.  I think I believe him.  And I have a final word for the auditors (whom I sincerely hope never end up reading this blog). 

Good riddance I say! 

Here’s your hat, what’s your hurry? 

Don’t let the door hit you in the butt on the way out. 

Can I call you a cab? 

You made my life a living hell! 

Get on back to your fancy office and quit taking up real estate in a busy surety company’s office. 

We gave at the office – really, we gave it ALL!  Blood, sweat, tears, everything but the grandchildren and you aren’t getting them! 

Bon voyage!  Auf Wiedersehen!  Aloha!  Happy Trails!  GOODBYE!