Audit: 1. an official examination and verification of accounts and records, especially financial accounts. 2. a report or statement reflecting an audit; a final statement of account. (Dictionary.com)
April is always my favorite time of the year – winter is gone, summer isn’t quite here yet and wildflowers are in full bloom. Everything is beautiful, new, fresh, inspiring hopeful. Except the audit work with which I am tasked each year at this time. The bond numbers may be “fresh” for the current year, but there is nothing beautiful, new, fresh, inspiring or hopeful about this process – at least not to me.
I’m a writer by nature, an Administrative Manager and Human Resources professional by vocation, and spiritually a Christ follower. There is not a bone in my body that understands, identifies with or appreciates anything about audits or auditors. As I often say at work, “math is not my thing.” Details? Yes. Procedures? Absolutely. Rules and Regulations? I was born to be a hall monitor. Doing things the right and most efficient way? In my blood. But auditing? No way. From where I sit it’s just a bunch of accountants who don’t understand our industry who look for errors, refuse to take what we consider supporting documentation as such and who wouldn’t know a working day from a calendar day if it bit them in the butt.
This year I got my first list from the Wis (my pet name for our CFO, who is an absolute PRINCE in my book – whatever he gets paid it’s not enough) on March 30th. It was a tame little list of 60 or so bonds and I worked it through and sent it back. Then the annual routine began. Based on the auditor’s pickiness findings, I received another list, then another, of bonds which I had to review. My responsibility is to review the way the bond was billed in the system, research the supporting documentation and either clarify it, find it if it isn’t on file, or admit to error and show support for the correct dates. The support docs I provide have to be accessed, the appropriate sections pulled and annotated, saved to a folder supposedly accessible by the auditors and ready to be pulled again at any time. There is of course a tracking list to enter all the data, and to monitor which bonds have had support provided ongoing. There is also the fun task of having to loop in an underwriting assistant or underwriter, explain what I need and why I need it and when I have to have it and how it has to come to me and yes I really need it that way and that quickly. These are the things that I am tasked with. Not a big deal really. Unless over the course of 2 months it amounts to nearly 1,000 bonds, many of which had to be looked at again and again as the auditors back and forth questioning went on. And on … and on … and on.
The Friday before Memorial Day I was finishing up what I hoped was the almost last batch when the Wis sent me my “last” (ha ha, ho ho , he he, oh that is funny) audit list to research. It contained 310 bonds each of which needed to be researched and an adequate support doc or explanation provided. I was by now weary of the process but such is life, it’s part of my job, and since I was sick anyway and on bed rest per the doc I figured what is one Memorial Day weekend to have to work through. It’s not a real sacrifice like those men who died so that we might life free. Having been steeped in the Word and “prayed up” I did pretty well with my attitude Friday upon receiving the list. God’s Grace was sufficient for me again on the Saturday, Sunday and Monday of Memorial Day weekend - which I spent alternately resting due to my illness and working on the audit – and even on Tuesday, after receiving spreadsheets with auditor questions on bonds I’d reviewed that needed my reply comments, when I realized gosh, it still wasn’t over, I was still on “bed-desk” and now working 14 hours days to get this accomplished. But Wednesday was another story.
First, I didn’t start out with my regular prayer time, which always sets the tone for my day – big mistake. I had been up late the night before, didn’t sleep well due to the coughing spells and awoke late at 8:30 to find four emails from my CFO about the day’s work that lay ahead. Something in me snapped when I read that 4th email with yet another list. Did these auditor people not have a heart or soul? Were they simply masochists at the core, sitting in their borrowed cubicles rubbing their hands together in glee at the agony they were inflicting on our staff? Or were they just geeky nerd droids who had zero life and it never occurred to them that others might have other things to do like a regular job or get enough sleep? Perhaps they were control freaks who relished the power of being able to tell others what to do, the timeframe in which to do it, and upon completion of the task immediately circle back with inane questions or thrice repeated requests for the same exact documents. (Personally I’m convinced they ask for the same document over and over to try and get us to send different or conflicting ones, thinking that what we’d initially sent was inadequate. No one working for a top national accounting firm making big bucks could possibly be that stupid or sloppy to miss something so clearly identified in a folder set up exclusively for their use.) Or perhaps they were truly just doing their very best to do a thorough job before issuing a financial report on our company. Nah, that couldn’t be it…..
Today is June 1st, and the Wis says we have completed our last, Truly final round of Q&A with the auditors. This never ending, audit without end, Nightmare on Audit Street is really over. I think I believe him. And I have a final word for the auditors (whom I sincerely hope never end up reading this blog).
Good riddance I say!
Here’s your hat, what’s your hurry?
Don’t let the door hit you in the butt on the way out.
Can I call you a cab?
You made my life a living hell!
Get on back to your fancy office and quit taking up real estate in a busy surety company’s office.
We gave at the office – really, we gave it ALL! Blood, sweat, tears, everything but the grandchildren and you aren’t getting them!
Bon voyage! Auf Wiedersehen! Aloha! Happy Trails! GOODBYE!
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