Journey through December - Jed Clampitt at The Houstonian

I surveyed the bed of the truck one last time.  It was loaded full, like I’ve never seen it, not even weeks earlier when the 3 futon beds, refrigerator and tile for the new shower were taken to the Ranch to complete the remodel.  This was the last trip, the one where we’d actually get to go and have all of our kids and theirs with us for Christmas.  Neither of us had taken off two full weeks of vacation from work in 11 years.  Excited doesn’t begin to describe how I felt.

We furnished the Ranch in early Craigslist.  I thought back to all the time I’d spent searching ads, talking to sellers and dragging my husband all over Travis, Hays and Williamson counties to find the perfect deals:  futons with nice wooden frames and mattresses that had hardly been used; small wooden side tables for the bedrooms; Texas star light fixture for the hall bath; Western themed futon cover, bedding and bedside lamps.  It had all come together so well and now, finally, I would get to enjoy it all at the Rockin R.

The small furniture items were carefully wedged among the large plastic Ziploc bags filled with new washed towels and bed linens, pushed up against coolers, tools, fishing gear, duffel bags of ammo and whatever odds and ends I couldn’t fit in the back of the cab – which was equally stuffed to the gills. 

We had packed clothes / toiletries for two weeks plus Christmas gifts for both sides of the family.  It was December in Texas, so I had to pack clothes and shoes and jackets for 20◦ to 80◦ weather for all special events.  Our whirlwind trip through east and north Texas included plans ranging from a dress Christmas party to a professional football game to a week of play and work at the Ranch to the rodeo to Christmas Eve service and several family gatherings in between before we’d be home again. 

I’m a pretty good packer and I’ve packed for some long trips that required all kinds of attire.  But never have I had to combine all that luggage with ranch remodel furniture.   I laid out all our outfits for the entire time, and decided to pack in multiple duffle bags according to event, figuring that way some of our stuff could stay in the truck as we made our way from A to B and all stops in between.  There were 6 or 7 different bags plus our pillows plus my CPAP plus my laptop bag with accessories plus my car snack bag plus my purse plus my sewing project for something to do on the road plus special hanging clothes.  Fortunately the dog and all the rifles and handguns had been sent with Craig and family that morning – we could NOT fit one more thing in that vehicle.

One last tour of the upstairs and down to make sure lights were off, doors were locked and the oven wasn’t on and we loaded ourselves into the truck.  All Paul had to do was open his door and get in; but I had to arrange myself, my purse, laptop bag, snacks and sewing project around and on me to get it all to fit.  Paul started the truck and we pulled out of the driveway, looking every bit like Jed Clampitt and Elly Mae (I’m no granny, that would be my sister Marie).

Fortunately, the Rockin R does NOT look like this the Clampitts shed before they moved to Beverly Hills. But unfortunately, we looked pretty much like Jed and Elly Mae.  I say unfortunately, because our first stop was Houston – as in The Houstonian hotel, which is where we’d be spending the night after attending our fancy schmancy Christmas party for work.  We passed through the hotel entrance and immediately I felt my cheeks burn red.  I couldn’t help it.  As we drove through the lush manicured grounds and approached the front with black-tie valets awaiting our every parking pleasure, I had a feeling they’d never seen a truck piled high inside and out like ours. 

  

One of the valets opened my passenger door and paused, not sure where to start or what to say.  In his finest Jed style, Paul stepped out of the truck and said, “Howdy gentlemen, we are going to need your help with our truck.  As you can see, we are loaded up to head for the ranch tomorrow, and I want you to watch over all our belongings in the truck bed.”  My valet took the cue and said, “Certainly sir.  Ma’am, may I help you out?” while the one on Paul’s side said, “Absolutely.  I’ll bring a luggage cart around.”

Then I remembered we were the customer and I had no reason to be embarrassed.  I was feeling better until they opened the back seat doors and had to perform triage juggling to keep the groceries, table accessories and cowboy hats from falling out as they dug underneath to find the one bag I’d packed for this event and my CPAP bag.  Our hanging clothes added some dignity to our extremely casual luggage and we followed it in to the checkout counter.

Later, as we exited the hotel dressed in our finery to meet our driver for the short trip to the party, those same valets opened doors and escorted us out front looking as if they’d never seen us before.  Which I guess they hadn’t – as we say in my family, we clean up real nice when we need to.

The party lasted late and was a grand success, and I enjoyed feeling totally non-hillbilly in my sparkly top and soft slacks.  We slept well in the luxurious room and rose early the next morning to splurge on elegant room service while we got ready and packed, planning to be on the road by 8.  Watching the sun rise out our 2^nd floor window and dining on fresh juice with an omelet to die for, I let myself relax for 20 minutes before switching to high gear.  We had a 4 hour drive and another major change of clothes ahead of us before the next event – a Sunday afternoon Dallas Cowboy game in a suite with ALL of our children and most of our grandchildren in attendance.  But in the meantime we were back to Jed and Elly Mae, and it was time to get moving.

We were checked out, re-loaded and pulling out of the hotel drive at 8:05.  Good, I thought, we are going to be fine on time.  It was then that I noticed the dark sky up ahead and saw the first very large raindrop on the windshield.  Jed was starting to look concerned and I glanced back at the stuff in the bed of the truck.  This was going to get interesting.