I think I’m going to like my new dentist. Especially since he kept Valerie. But last week when I met him, well, let’s just say I don’t want to have that exact experience again.
For 34 years I had the same dentist, Dr. J, at the same location. He knew my history, did all my fillings, crowns, re-fillings, re-crowns, and teeth cleanings. He also did the routine dentals for my children, and we became good friends. Heck, he’s not much older than I am so we kind of grew up together. He knew my need for extra numbing shots, my sensitivity and my tolerance for pain.
Changing dentists can be traumatic, but I weathered Dr. J’s retirement well last year and he assured me the new guy, Dr. H, was young but very good. I knew Dr. J wouldn’t steer me wrong so I tried the new guy and he was good. I liked him and the new receptionist Valerie. The only thing I didn’t like was that right about that time all my 30 yr old crowns and fillings started to fall apart, so Dr. H struck an immediate gold mine. I’m sure I paid for his lake house, a new car or at the very least his student loans.
We saw a lot of each other for the next 8 months, trying to complete “out with the old and in with the new.” There was one old crown left that still need replacing and I told Dr. H I’d wait until after the new year and we’d start up again.
It was March before I called to make the appointment, and I was shocked when Valerie told me Dr. H was out and there was another new guy, Dr. N. Geez, I’m too old to keep breaking in new dentists, especially with everything breaking and deteriorating. But I really like Valerie a great dental assistant who knows the insurance side of things better than anyone I’ve ever run across, and figured if I had to get a new dentist I may as well go with one whose receptionist I really liked. I could always ditch him if the first appointment didn’t go well.
Which I thought about during the 2 ½ hour visit. But it’s wasn’t Dr. N’s fault, it was more a comedy of errors due to the facts that he had been at that practice for exactly 1 week, was suffering from newly acquired Austin allergies, was experiencing equipment problems, and his new dental assistant Tiffany had just graduated from dental assistant school that morning. Given those circumstances, Murphy’s Law took hold and it got a little crazy.
Tiffany was a little nervous, and every time she made a mistake kept saying, “Just kidding!” One thing she did very well was take xrays; I had more xrays in that one sitting than I’ve had in my entire life. But choosing the tools for the dentist tray, working the water sprayer, suction or air gun she was not yet proficient at. By the time I was done I’d had my face washed, the insides of my cheeks sucked down a tube, and my hair was freshly blow dried.
After Tiffany “prepped” me, Dr. N came in and introduced himself. I told him I had fillings older than he was and he laughed. Good, I thought, at least he has a sense of humor. I told him I wasn’t a high maintenance patient but I did require extra deadening shots before the procedure. Tiffany chimed in, “Oh yes, I’m the same way, my last procedure it took 9 shots”. I wondered if that were Novocain for her or Jack Daniels for the doctor.
The doctor assessed my situation, swabbed the area with local and administered a hefty dose of anesthetic. So far so good. As he reached for his drill and examined the drill bit, he frowned. “This old crown is metal, is this the sharpest tip we have?” Tiffany replied, “It’s the one we are supposed to use.” Dr. N started drilling. And kept on drilling, drilling until I wondered how big the old crown could possibly be. Finally, he stopped and said to her, “I need something sharper to drill it out. Don’t we have something better?”
“Just kidding!” said Tiffany, as she rushed out to get another. A few seconds later she returned with another, which Dr. N dutifully exchanged but didn’t look very hopeful. He drilled for a while and then finally called, “Balerie, can I see you?” (He has to say Valerie because he’s from Peru
Now he had the tools he needed and started to make headway. Which I could feel because by this time the initial shot had started to wear off. I let him know with my wild eyes and a slight raise of the hand that he needed to stop, which he did immediately. Valerie was watching from the doorway and said, “the mouth is starting to wake up, she needs another shot.” Boy, did he ever give me another shot, two of ‘em in fact. One in the same place as before, and another ‘surprise’ shot on the inside of the roof of the mouth, which hurt like H E double hockey sticks. “Sorry,” he said, and looked like he really meant it.
In seconds I was totally numb again and starting to enjoy the comedy routine. Valerie was working on my mouth, pushing the gums up so they could get a better impression for the temporary crown. She was enjoying her captive audience, telling me all about her 3 sons, her nephew who was learning to drive, and another nephew who called her “Aunt Chicken Nuggets”. Her delightful narrative was set to the occasional sound of “Just Kidding!” coming from the other room where Tiffany was “helping” Dr. N with another patient. I heard the doctor say, “Sorry about that water spray, our equipment is leaking. Tiffany, can you bring him another towel?” “Oh sure - just kidding!”
Valerie put pink foam into a plastic tray and placed it carefully in my mouth. While she waited for the impression to set she told me that she’d thought she wanted a girl but wasn’t sure if she wanted a fourth child but her husband would like one and who knows whether they would have another or not. “I just got them all to the age where they can make their own peanut butter and jelly, it’s tempting to stop there,” she said.
Finally the impression was made (in more ways than one), and Valerie fitted my temporary crown perfectly into the slot she and Dr. N had worked so hard to make. She gave me a fresh towel and told me to meet her up front. I stood up, feeling strange after all that time laying down with my mouth wide open and my hair with that wind blown look.
Up front Dr. N was standing next to Balerie. “I hope we didn’t hurt you,” he said compassionately. “Not at all,” I said. I turned to Valerie. “Look, nothing personal but I’d like to stop seeing you quite so often!” She laughed and said, “You say that now, but I just checked with your new insurance and this crown is $300 less than the last one you had!” Man, she really knows how to keep you hooked.
I think I’m going to like my new dentist…
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